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How to feel calm and happy when saying no to things.

The festive season is fast approaching, which means dos, dinners and dancing. But what if you’re just not ready or want to do these things?

As restrictions have eased and events restarted have you felt…

  • pressure to say yes even though you knew it’s something you weren’t comfortable with

  • Like you were missing out if you said no

  • Like you’re being a let down if you said no

  • Like you’re seen as boring

It’s very easy to fall into this self doubt trap, particularly when we see so much on social media and instantly compare ourselves to what others are doing.

Can we settle these thoughts to feel calm and happy saying no? Yes!

Using the 5th tool from The Pocket Mentor daily mental wellbeing workout, Value Setting.

Core values are the 3 to 4 qualities we believe are important to being a good person, for example, honesty, kindness, teamwork etc.

When we know what our values are, we can align our actions to these values, including our decisions, If we live to our values we can be confident we are living to what we believe a good person should do. If we have an off day, like we all do, we’re able to pin point where we can refine for tomorrow.

If an offer for an event comes up, instead of ruminating over the self doubt/pressure of saying no, you look to your values to guide your decision.

For example, say you’re invited to a big Christmas work gathering with 100 odd people some of which you don’t know, and the next day you’re meeting your grandma.

You don’t know whether you should go, you don’t want to put your grandma at risk… but thoughts of self doubt creep in - what if I’m missing out? They’ll think I’m boring if I don’t go!

Your values are integrity, honesty, family, kindness. You look to them and the decision is clear. You say no to the event, knowing you’re being honest, putting your family first and you’re then kind to yourself for making this right decision for you.

This is great in the moment for making a decision on whether to say yes or no, however for long term boost in self confidence we need to use value setting regularly, which is why it’s part of our daily mental wellbeing workout in The Pocket Mentor.

Either stay stuck listening to voices of self doubt or start making empowered decisions and try The Pocket Mentor for 7 days free here


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